Photo Credit: donireewalker, Flickr
In recent times I have become obsessed with happiness. I want to be happy, all the time. I want to be able to turn to happiness in the face of adversity. I want the noise of life to be drown out by the tranquility of happy. I want to guard against anger, frustration, exhaustion, short-sightedness, jealousy and idleness.
A couple of weeks ago I heard Michael J. Fox speak about life’s challenges. He talked about how useless it is to worry about things that might or might not happen. He suggests that problems rarely go down as you imagine they will, and if by some fluke they do, you will have lived through them twice.
I don’t want to live trouble twice, so I have found that I need activities to do as a stop gap to prevent my mind from turning to trouble. I sometimes wonder if unhappiness is an addiction since it seems so easy to brood, look for the worst in others and generally, to fall into a habit of being unhappy.
I’ve made a lot of changes in my life to support my own happiness. I’ve found that keeping my calendar full of experiences helps me stay happy. I’ve found that I’m happy when I’m working on goals. For example, just last night my husband and I were walking in the neighbourhood and I found an old window frame set out for the garbage truck. I asked myself what I could do with it if I rescued it. Lately I’ve taken a lot of pictures of old barns and decided the window frame could be used as a picture frame. I started feeling happier and excited about the act of creating the end piece but I also felt happy because the times and locations where I was in proximity of those old barns made me happy.
I find myself happy when there’s no one but me, hubby and the dog. I’ve found happiness when things are challenging physically. My end-to-end walk of the Bruce Trail is my current physical challenge.
Am I happy overall now? Wow, that’s a tough question. I can say that I am happier than I’ve ever been but I still find myself measuring my happiness against the happiness level in others, and realizing that I think they might be happier. That’s a good example of the imperfection of happiness.
Indeed, I think it is difficult to be happy in HR. In HR we see the best and worst in people. It is hard to be happy when you see people make poor decisions or like to gripe or overly focus on problems. Do we realize that our own state of mind impacts others? It is funny what people expect of us HR folk. They want us to be nice but not too nice. Positive but not too bubbly. Professional but not cold. Friendly but not a friend. Helpful but not invasive. Genuine but not too genuine. We have to be free of vices, bad habits or a poor sense of style.
We have to be resourceful. . .
With all those mixed messages, and so many buts. . .how do we get happy and stay happy?
The truth is that I don’t really know. It might take the rest of my life to figure this out.
Lately I’ve been using downtime to ponder questions about happiness. I am sharing them and encouraging feedback from others about them. Please read and comment if you wish.
Happy Questions
What does it take to be happy?
Is happiness a choice?
Can you fake it until you feel it?
What’s the difference between happiness and joy?
Is happiness related to mental health? Can you medicate your way to happiness?
Is happiness genetic?
Is happiness infectious?
Is happiness a by-product of luck?
If you’re happy and you know it should you clap your hands? If yes, why?
Are there specific categories of things that trigger happiness?
Can you be happy even when many things in life aren’t going your way?
I look forward to the dialogue.
Bonni Titgemeyer CEBS, SPHR, CHRL, CMS, SHRM-SCP is the Managing Director of The Employers’ Choice Inc. and founder of The EO List blog. She is a well-known entity in the total compensation and organizational effectiveness fields, and has highly-sought after experience in the global arena.
Hi Bonni,
I enjoyed reading your article and I’m glad you’ve found some ways to feel good and tap into your creative side. It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage and support system.
I have a friend that I have known since University (25 years). She’s that type of person who is always smiling and always cheerful, no matter what happens to her. She always sees the good in people and rarely says anything negative about anyone. She’s a naturally sunny person, like that Hall and Oates song, “Sarah Smile” (which is her name without the “h” at the end.
I actually have to work at being happy and that’s OK. With the help of listening to audio CDS by Tony Robbins, quotes from Richard Simmons, and reading books by Debbie Travis and Judge Judy, here are my responses to “Happy Questions.”
What does it take to be happy?
– Ask yourself better quality questions
Is happiness a choice?
– YES!
Can you fake it until you feel it?
– Yes, when you ask yourself better quality questions, your brain will come up with better quality answers, you will make better quality decisions and you will live a better quality life (i.e. What can I do to feel better now in a way that I can afford?).
What’s the difference between happiness and joy?
– I think they are both the same because it means all your needs are met (certainty, uncertainty, significance, love/contentment, growth, contribution in meaningful way)
Is happiness related to mental health? Can you medicate your way to happiness?
– YES, happiness is related to mental health
– NO – medication can help a little bit, but it will not change the way you communicate to yourself (in your head)
Is happiness genetic?
– NO, I think it’s up to the person to decide to take steps to be happy…first step is asking yourself better quality questions.
Is happiness infectious?
– YES!
Is happiness a by-product of luck?
– NO, but when you communicate better within yourself, you set yourself up for good things to happen
If you’re happy and you know it should you clap your hands? If yes, why?
– YES if it makes you feel good. The way you move your physical body has huge impact on your state
Are there specific categories of things that trigger happiness?
– Changing the way you communicate to yourself give you the guidance you need to change from a sad story to a happy and hopeful one
Can you be happy even when many things in life aren’t going your way?
– YES because when you ask yourself better quality questions, the answers you come up with will help you overcome challenges – Michael J. Fox, Sylvester Stallone, Muhammed Ali, Martin Luther King and Helen Reddy are good examples
Hope that helps Bonni.
Have a great day!
Caren 😀